So, a friend of my son told me his father is dying…

One of my son’s friends hit with a curve ball earlier this week. He dropped that his dad in in the hospital dying. Pretty heavy stuff from an 8th grader. But it gets more brutal. He’s struggling with whether to go see him. You see, the father in question is the proverbial absentee parent. As the boy put it, “why should I care? He wasn’t there for me when I needed him.” Which makes sense to me, and breaks my heart. Though my father and I don’t have a perfect relationship, he’s been there when I needed him. I can’t begin to relate to this situation.

Makes me think of my relationship with my son. I’ve been very deliberate in being present. Showing up at school events, choir concerts, we do taekwondo together…I didn’t want to be like a friend of mine who, as his kids were nearing high-school graduation realized he didn’t know them. With that, years ago, when doing some Franklin-Covey exercises, one that stuck was the question “what do you want people to say about you at your funeral?” I want them to say “he was there”, and that I cared. All else is secondary.

So, the boy’s father and I have very different world-views. Or, at least, I made certain that my actions aligned with my values. Hard to really say anything about this father, since I don’t know any other details about him. But my response gives insight into me, my values and aspirations. And imperfect though my relationships are, I’m good with things, with my life, my community. I feel blessed.

What is #Winning?

I read Om Malik’s great piece today about winning. Chris Michel looks like a delightful person, and the tale of their friendship exemplifies the power and delights of networking.

In the course of their recent conversation, defining “winning” comes up. I’ve been pondering that myself recently. Well, I’ve been looking at “success”, but it’s really the same discussion. I love Om’s thoughts on questions: starting the day with more questions than answers, ending the day thinking of new ones. I have one key add: pride. I want to feel good about what I do, both in terms of ethics and in terms of quality.

So, how about you? Let me know in the comments, via Twitter or Facebook.

Underwater Homes and Such

Over the past few years I’ve heard so very much about “underwater homes”. When one owes more than the home is worth, the choices seen a bit stark. Short-Sales, foreclosures, bankruptcies, and other dire options were what got press, and agents talking. There was one option, though, that didn’t get mentioned: nothing. Keep pushing your mortgage and wait for the market to recover value.

The past several years have seen significant value growth. And Seattle has been central in that growth trend. We’ve gained back most, if not all, of the recession’s value erosion. Now, that’s not universal. There are areas in western Washington which haven’t gained that much. Seattle/Bellevue is the epicenter, which price increases dropping moving outwards.

Now, if you must move (job relocation, etc), you can’t afford your mortgage (adjustable rate resets, interest only terms off and principle comes due, etc), and you owe me than your home’s value, there are options. Don’t panic! But don’t seek one of these options if you simply are worried about home value. If you like where you live and it meets your needs, stay there. Prices will recover, and soon.